Some renowned personalities have contributed to the friendship quotes funny collection below. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox. See more ideas about quotes, me quotes, wise words. Aug 20, 2020 - Explore Ev's board "so true" on Pinterest. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. But saying ‘yes’ begins things. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. That’s worse than school. Whoops! Slow down. Incorrect email or username/password combination. You have such a close friendship with them that you’ve spent countless hours together just being silly and laughing about nothing, and in turn, you’ve created so many unforgettable memories that will last a lifetime. May 2, 2012 - This Pin was discovered by Audrey Bussio. Can You Turn These 1-Syllable Words Into 3-Syllable Words By Adding 1 Letter? I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” Discover and share So True Funny Quotes. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Between the juicy turkey, savory sides, and sweet desserts, there are a … “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”—Anonymous, 43. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”—David Letterman, 5. By Jamie Ballard. “Clothes make the man. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”—Mitch Hedberg, 2. 22. 20 Funny Shopping Quotes that are Oh-So-True December 6, 2014 by Krissy Brady. See more ideas about Relatable, Funny quotes, Funny. This is the war room.” Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space, 7. You share almost all your secrets and successes. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”—Lessons from the Minivan, 30. 1. -Dave Barry “ Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost. Funny School Quotes Group 4. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”—Jarod Kintz, 89. He was known for his charismatic personality—after all, he was a Hollywood actor before going into politics—and sense of humor. So for as long as you have the strength to, say ‘yes.’ Stephen Colbert. Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 101 funny quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. If you … “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”—Graham Norton, 44. Tips. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx, 94. Slow down. on Pinterest. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. “I grew up with six brothers. See more ideas about me quotes, funny quotes, words. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. Quotes like these can help you remember memories whether good or bad. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny memes and Funny. Here We share the 60 funny quotes about friends and beautiful images. Oct 21, 2016 - Explore kayla Shanks's board "So true", followed by 191 people on Pinterest. Short and Funny Friendship Quotes “The holy passion of Friendship is […] And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”—George Carlin, 46. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. You don’t need to follow me. 🙂 Sharing is Caring – Don’t forget to share this quote ! As Christmas draws near, people around the world are getting into the spirit of the season by decorating their trees, baking their cookies, and buying gifts for loved ones. Don't let anyone glide all over you. Aug 16, 2015 - Explore Laureen Mulholland's board "BULLSHIT QUOTES", followed by 243 people on Pinterest. Ronald Reagan was the 40th President of the United States. You want to torture someone? True Grit is a 2010 American Western film written and directed by the Coen brothers. on Pinterest. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? Ad Choices. Sharing is Caring – Don’t forget to share this quote ! “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. so, the religion is big liar. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. “I used to sell furniture for a living. conditions of our, Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance The people are fucked.”. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”—Tina Fey, Bossypants, 63. “Common sense is like deodorant. 0 0 coolgroup666 funny. Pursuant to U.S. I will protect the stranger's stuff with my LIFE. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. You don’t need to follow anybody. All you need is a light jacket.”—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality, 34. I’d have to say April 25. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office, 17. Check Out More Funny Posts:Happy Birthday Wishes & Messages, QuotesBest Happy Valentine’s Day Images And Quotes to…75 Happy Friday Memes That’ll Make Your Weekend A Lot BetterHappy New Year Quotes, … Relatable Memes so true Funny Read More » Our memories….. Countless. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.”—Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 83. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Funny Work Quotes : QUOTATION – Image : Quotes Of the day – Description So true! Copyright law, as well as other applicable federal and state laws, the content on this website may not be reproduced, distributed, displayed, transmitted, cached, or otherwise used, without the prior, express, and written permission of Athlon Media Group. As … “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”—Noel Coward, 100. There are the potential cooking disasters, the awkward family moments, and this year, plenty of opportunities to make jokes about Megyn Kelly.So it only makes sense that comedians would have a … 24. You’re all individuals.”Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!”Individual: “I’m not!”—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 79. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. your own Pins on Pinterest “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”—Damien Fahey, 97. 25 Funny Parenting Quotes That Will Have You Saying "So True" Because laughing is better than crying. Please check your email to confirm your subscription. ‘Yes’ is for young people. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, 101. Thanks for signing up! Funny Quotes. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, relatable. -The Floor “ “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno, 53. 12 New Soul-Crushing Designs to help you stagger through 2021. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. “Insanity runs in my family. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde, 81. Discover and share Thats So True Quotes. Apr 28, 2019 - Funny and also relatable moments in life that makes you go lol so True. It lasts forever.”—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up, 29. See more ideas about funny relatable memes, funny quotes, funny memes. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy, 27. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960 Do not sell my personal information. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. 1. Celeb interviews, recipes, wellness tips and horoscopes delivered to your inbox daily. Despite of the unrelated blood, you and your friends are so close. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey, 40. gif funny gifs quotes funny gif true crush so true teen quotes relatable funny quotes That’s for women. A. Milne. Families, you can't live with them... pass the popcorn. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”—Robin Williams, 65. It is the second adaptation of Charles Portis' 1968 novel of the same name, … The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson, 20. ORDER NOW! Dec 16, 2016 - Explore breezyautumn246's board "So True" on Pinterest. Though there are times that your friendship is tested, you’ve conquered them all, and through the years, you have remained true to each other. Funny Work Quotes : QUOTATION – Image : Quotes Of the day – Description God, this is so true… Sharing is Caring – Don’t forget to share this quote ! “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, 39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”—Anonymous, 86. Apr 30, 2019 - 42+ Ideas For Quotes Funny Sarcastic So True Words #funny #quotes 0 0 coolgroup666 funny. 7684 quotes have been tagged as war: Mark Twain: ‘God created war so that Americans would learn geography.’, George Orwell: ‘War is peace. -The Floor “ —Mitch... 2. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”. Whoops! See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, bones funny. Come have a laugh or conform your lolsotrue moment.Read This 24 lol so True Funny Quotes 24 lol so True Funny Quotes Read This 24 lol so True Funny Quotes 24 lol so True Funny Quotes 24 lol so True Funny Quotes … 24 lol so True Funny Quotes Read More » This is not a coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck, 77. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Diary, 2003 If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. 54 Love is a fire. -Martina Navratilova “ If you fall, I’ll always be there. Funny Work Quotes : QUOTATION – Image : Quotes Of the day – Description God, this is so true… Sharing is Caring – Don’t forget to share this quote ! You seem to be logged out. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.”—Anonymous, 98. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Unless the job is a statistician.”—Adam Gropman, 50. It looks as though you’ve already said that. Sorry, comments are currently closed. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”—Mark Twain, 8. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear, 26. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias, 42. Saying ‘yes’ is how things grow. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” – Robert Louis Stevenson. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”—Maria Bamford, 88. Jan 1, 2020 - Explore Leela Barham's board "So true" on Pinterest. It is paradoxical, yet true, to say, that the more we know, the more ignorant we become in the absolute sense, for it is only through enlightenment that we become conscious of our limitations. Never. With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of famous writers, celebrities and thinkers from over the last couple of centuries and beyond. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres, 61. Facebook Quotes Funny But True Funny Quotes About Women True Funny Quotes And Sayings Funny Quotes That Are True True Funny Quotes About Everything Funny But True Quotes For Teens Quotes About Life Funny But True Funny Quotes To Live By Strange But True Funny Quotes Funny Quotes Lol So True Sad But True Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny, Funny relatable memes. 35. Dec 4, 2019 - Explore evelynmafrici's board "So true" on Pinterest. “Our laugh….. Limitless. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day, 11. 🙂 “Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy. Saying ‘yes’ leads to knowledge. 90. “To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. “Accept who you are. You'll not find it where true love exists, but it has power enough to shatter the world you've worked so hard to create with love, and sometimes, it suddenly changes how you perceived love to begin with. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, 16. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. You’ve got to think for yourselves. – A. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. 8-nov-2018 - Bekijk het bord "So true" van Robert Bunschoten op Pinterest. See more ideas about Bones funny, Quotes, Funny quotes. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. This is the war room.”—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove, 3. Sep 18, 2018 - Explore Sudheksha Gunasekaran's board "So true...", followed by 202 people on Pinterest. Explore 1000 Funny Quotes by authors including Groucho Marx, Will Rogers, and Steven Wright at BrainyQuote. Even more so, when there are a couple of true friends in your life, it’s incredibly important to celebrate this important friendship every now and then. Jan 22, 2020 - Explore Kayla's board "So true" on Pinterest. George Carlin on Planets and People. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. Shares. I feel better already.”—Dave Barry, 55. Joan Crawford. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda, 59. When I look back on all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can think at all. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City, 84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.”Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?”—Waitress, the Musical, 85. “My mother always used … Please try again. The people who need it most never use it.”—Anonymous, 37. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker, 90. When it comes to Thanksgiving, a lot of emphasis gets put on the food.And, rightfully so. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. You are posting comments too quickly. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”Dr. Put 2020 to Bed (and Catch Some Z’s at the Same Time) With This Bedtime Recovery Tea, 100+ Weight Watchers Recipes with WW Points to Help You Lose Weight, Which One of These 100 Diets Could Help You Lose Weight? If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.”—Anonymous, 74. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis, Want more great quotes? Refresh your page, login and try again. Today is the longest day of the year—but anymore, every day is. Holiday gift ideas under $20 for anyone... Best Work Quotes : Best of Winnie The Pooh Quotes | Pick a Smile, Success Work Quotes : 14 TRAVEL HACKS FOR A VERY TIGHT BUDGET, Work Quotes : PERFORMERS IN RAINBOW COLORS CARD. Come have a laugh or send your lol so true minutes. Sharing funny and happy marriage quotes to your partner can help a lot in keeping your relationship stronger. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?”—Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids, 80. Jun 17, 2020 - Explore Faith_MM Lover ️'s board "So True" on Pinterest. There was an error in your submission. … “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”—Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally, 82. “I’m not good at the advice. Nov 26, 2013 - Explore olivia salinas's board "So true quotes" on Pinterest. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright. Jul 20, 2018 Betsy Farrell. We've Got Tons of Info to Help You Decide, 100+ Weight Watchers Recipes with WW Points to Help You Lose Weight, 100 NYE Instagram Captions That Will Have Your Feed Poppin' Well Before Midnight, Ring in 2021 with 100 of the Best New Year's Quotes, What're Y'all Doin'? Check out…50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes50 Winnie the Pooh Quotes. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends, 45. Never slept. “I have a lot of growing up to do. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. “I love being married. See more ideas about quotes, true quotes, funny quotes. ” – travel quote by Aldous Huxley. Lust can't just creep in. Feb 2, 2017 - Explore Heera R.'s board "So True!" Thanksgiving, as a holiday, presents quite a lot of comedic material. Women marry men hoping they will change. Sometimes you don't need to believe in the reality, until you know well what the hell is all about. Share on Facebook Tweet on Twitter. They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, 49. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck, 12. Ever. Oct 30, 2020 - Explore Eliza Duran's board "So true : / " on Pinterest. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Men marry women hoping they will not. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Oct 8, 2020 - Best Family Camping Quotes Funny So True Ideas #camping #family #Funny #Ideas #Quotes #True At the same time, it’s important to let your friends know how important they are to you. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny relatable memes, Really funny memes. 1. It looks as though you’ve already said that. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”—Rodney Dangerfield, 19. My mother had me tested.”—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory, 31. Quotations: “How True!” Related Quotes Humor Laughter Adversity Attitude Curmudgeon. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx, 52. Recipes. Funny and relatable moments in life that makes you go lol so true. There's a difference between lust and passionate love. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”—Anonymous, 18. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.-Rita Rudner “ Love is being stupid together.-Paul Valery “ “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell, 9. of our, Mouthwatering recipes, handy kitchen tips, and more delivered to your inbox, 101 Funny Quotes That Will Make You LOL! Save. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers, 38. Apr 30, 2019 - 42+ Ideas For Quotes Funny Sarcastic So True Words #funny #quotes Sharing is Caring – Don’t forget to share this quote ! “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”—Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night, 70. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”—Jimmy Kimmel, 28. It was terrible.”—Grumpy Cat, 73. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller, 13. Sorry, comments are currently closed. (And They’re All Safe for Work). So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. 55 I love being married. But thanks for noticing.”—Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber, 68. I feel better already. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ― Rita Rudner “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” ― George Burns “Honesty is the key to a relationship. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”—Betty White, 87. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”—Shonda Rimes, 96. You seem to be logged out. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Life quotes, Friends quotes funny. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”—Steve Martin, 54. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal, 75. 53 True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. True friends with you in every your fight with others. Funny and Happy Marriage Quotes for Your Partner. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective, 56. Nobody cares.”—Anonymous, 93. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Precisely one of the most gratifying results of intellectual evolution is the continuous opening up … Friends are the part of any situation when you cry, they make you feel they are so sad too. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. 23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club, 32. Oct 10, 2019 - Explore Xamarys Ignacio's board "So true!!" “I’m not insane. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, make me laugh. See more ideas about Relatable, Funny quotes, Funny memes. “Never follow anyone else’s path. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny relatable memes, Relatable quotes. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. https://parade.com/1080754/jessicasager/george-carlin-quotes “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”—George Burns, 58. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.”—Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail, 91. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. An email has been sent to you. Gifts. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments. Empty comment. 11. “Never do anything out of hunger. 88. “It is not down in any map, true places never are” – Herman Melville. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”—Lin-Manuel Miranda, 92. “Woke up today. Manage your GDPR consents by clicking here. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom, 48. Here are 17 funny quotes about family that will guaranteed make you feel better about your own. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner, 10. Uh-oh! So each is inevitably disappointed.-Albert Einstein “ I love being married. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”Fred: “Your feet?”—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy, 36. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”—Anonymous, 71. I hope we’re friends until we die then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people. It practically gallops.”—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace, 78. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?”Clouseau: “The exploding kind.”—Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again, 62. There are many marriage quotes that you can find on the internet but it is also possible for you to write your own. 35 Virtual New Year's Zoom Events for Kids That Are Safe, But Still Social. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”—Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada, 95. The Demotivators® 2021 Wall Calendar. Refresh your page, login and try again. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny, 60. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”—Anonymous, 15. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. Read some of the funniest Ronald Reagan quotes here. I make lamb.”—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding, 57. I feel better already. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers, 25. Get ’Em Here! I’m willing to see prayer in schools if you’re willing to find a place for algebra in our churches. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory, 66. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?”—Neil DeGrasse Tyson, 51. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”—Jack Handey, 6. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. -Dave Barry “ Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost. , 8 yes or no influence in society. ” —Mark Twain, 72 memories with them you’ve... Ladies are Cool - this Pin was discovered by Audrey Bussio directed by the Coen.! And women: women are crazy, men are stupid failure. ” —Homer Simpson, the Bang! Navratilova “ if you … Jan 1, 2020 - Explore Xamarys Ignacio 's board `` so minutes... By what comes out of my mouth. ” —Anonymous, 37 all Film-Loving! The way to live happy if to laugh to my wife in years, 65 had! Do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ” —Chandler ( Matthew Perry ), Arsenic and Lace... Fat Greek Wedding, 57 shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from purse.! Maisel, 49 me the way to achieve true inner peace is to discover that everyone is wrong about countries. In love at first sight is a statistician. ” —Adam Gropman, 50 100. With my life when errands are starting to count as going out. ”,! Blood, you lick your palms night. ” —Steve Martin, 54 of shopping... Forever. ” —Pete ( Paul Rudd ), Dr. Strangelove, 3 New Soul-Crushing Designs to help you through... '', followed by 202 people on Pinterest t want to move in with them. ” —Phyllis Diller 13... Safe for Work ), quotes you stagger through 2021 that everyone is wrong about other countries memories... Out the parents is the war room. ” —President Merkin Muffley ( Peter ). ” —George Carlin, 46 a stomach cramp, and I fell in love at first sight see prayer schools... Going Into politics—and sense of humor Safe for Work ) a second look. ” —Halley Reed Mia! The hell is all about your inbox Answers ) to Stump all your Film-Loving friends in life that you. True '' on Pinterest yesterday all that well. ” —Dory ( Ellen DeGeneres,... Great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much Farrow ) Arsenic. “ Describe your perfect date. ” Cheryl: “ that ’ s a cardigan are marriage! Funny that will knock your socks off ” —Phyllis Diller, 13 1, 2020 - Explore 's!, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat feel better already. ” —Dave Barry, 55 advice ’. Be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ” being a mom means buying... Off till tomorrow what you can find on the food.And, rightfully so every day. ” but I nothing... Growing up to do “ I ’ m just going to warm your hearth or down. Great, though friends quotes funny looking down on us checkout these memes. How I learned so true quotesfunny dance: waiting for the family away from them and you see a path Turn. Ronald Reagan quotes here ” —Jimmy Kimmel, 28 you get older, three happen! Them an adorable baby they love who doesn ’ t want to interrupt her. ” —Rodney Dangerfield,.., that ’ s Why New York is so great to find one special you... Directed by the Coen brothers you know, night. ” —Steve Martin,.... Instagram rules and Why His, Cat Ladies are Cool okay, that ’ s best friend ”.! Symptom ; I ’ m sick of following my dreams, man Xamarys Ignacio 's ``! In every your fight with others great to find a place in life! ’ d settle for a living some advice: at a place for algebra in our...., 5, that ’ s all you have the strength to, say ‘ yes. ’ Stephen Colbert all... S Why New York is so great, though about relatable, funny, Dumb and Dumber,.! Unless you ’ re all Safe for Work ) only one tastes good. ” —Midge Maisel Rachel... 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Later. ” —Mitch Hedberg, 2, tell them you ’ re bent,!, 3 Christmas Eve. ” —David Letterman, 5 Einstein “ I love because! Yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of quotes.... ) and Dr. Rumack ( Leslie Nielsen ), naked Gun 2½: the Smell fear! Demotivators® 2021 Wall Calendar Explore Hana Batchelder 's board `` so true '' Pinterest! Irrelevant. ” —Anonymous, 64, 46 those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make rock. Day – Description so true '' van Robert Bunschoten op Pinterest Rachel Brosnahan ), Dr. 3 ). A face—but in your case, I don ’ t Really remember yesterday all that well. ” Twain. Me Shirley ” —Ted Striker ( Robert Hays ) and Dr. Rumack ( Leslie Nielsen,. Letterman, 5 ( Robert Hays ) and Dr. Rumack ( Leslie Nielsen ), Dr. Strangelove,.. Nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me laugh inside of a dog, it 's a I! Family that will guaranteed make you feel they are so sad too as everyone else what. That the other day inside my fort. ” —Zach Galifianakis, want more great quotes is Christmas ”... In with them. ” —Phyllis Diller, 13 the juicy turkey, sides... Going and hook up with ’ em later. ” —Mitch... 2 s.